John Carter (of Mars)

I got to see a studio screening of John Carter on Sunday. Part of getting to see it was signing a non-disclosure agreement, in which I am prevented from releasing any significant plot details. Luckily for Disney, they managed to pre-empt me there, because I cannot remember any plot details; in fact, I was hard pressed to gather plot details as they were presented to me. I like to think I am a fairly clever person – several people have informed me this may be the case – but I honestly don't think I have ever been that confused at a movie before.

( A rambly, distracted salad of a review ... just like the film! )

In summary: John Carter is a Hawaiian shirt of a movie; full of visual interest and detail but with no clear hierarchy of events, personalities, or emotions, which would allow one to organise and make sense of what one sees ... and is a bit repetitive ... and is also distinctly lightweight (though unlike John Carter, Hawaiian shirts rarely pretend to be otherwise). Lots of people like Hawaiian shirts, though, so what do I know? In a world where Alice and Wonderland and Pirates 4 break the billion-dollar mark, this could be a big hit!

OHYAT: The Left Hand Knows Not What The Right Hand Is Doing

ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO TODAY, the Polar Party reached the Mount Hooper Depot, where on the outward trip the Motor Party had waited for the Pony Party to catch up.

Cold comfort. Shortage on our allowance all round. I don’t know that anyone is to blame. The dogs which would have been our salvation have evidently failed. Meares had a bad trip home I suppose.

– R.F. Scott

"The dogs" (and Cherry and Dimitri) were at that moment still waiting at One Ton Depot, just over seventy miles north of them. The weather had been bad shortly after their arrival, which would have made travel further south difficult; on top of this, Dimitri was afflicted by a sort of creeping paralysis of his right side. Because there was no dog food at the depot, their time away from base was dictated by what they'd brought with them – Cherry allowed for an eight-day return trip, which meant they would have to turn back by the 10th. If they wanted to stay out any longer they would have to kill some of the weaker dogs to feed to the stronger. This was common dog-driving practise, but Cherry was under explicit instructions not to risk the dogs, so this would have been unthinkable.

When Scott laid out his plans for the trip to the Pole he'd estimated the Polar Party would return to base around the end of March or beginning of April; when the Second Returning party brought news of their progress the estimate was moved forward. As they evidently had not reached One Ton when the revised estimate said they would, Cherry figured Scott's estimate had been right after all and that the dog teams were too early. At no point did there seem to be cause for concern.