CONTORTED PASTA

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "You have chosen wisely, for those who follow me will be richly rewarded." To another he said, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "It is right for you to do this, for the law says to honour your mother and father, and this is the last and greatest honour you can pay him. Come to me when you have done this." Another said, "I will follow you Lord; but first let me say goodbye to those at my home." Jesus said to him, "Yes, go and pay your respects, and leave with the blessing of your people; or better yet, bring them with you. I will wait for you here."

"When you judge, judge from a place anchored firmly on God's law, for we are all judged by the same divine yardstick against these immutable commandments. Should you see a neighbour transgress, call them out on their transgression, and punish the wrongdoers according to your justice, for God relies upon you to maintain his discipline upon earth."

One of the dinner guests, on hearing this, said to him, "Blessed is anyone who will eat bread in the kingdom of God!" Then Jesus said to him, "Someone gave a great dinner and invited many. At the time for the dinner he sent his slave to say to those who had been invited, 'Come, for everything is ready now.' But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said to him, 'I have bought a piece of land, and I must go out and see it; please accept my apologies.' Another said, 'I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try them out, please accept my apologies.' Another said, 'I have just been married, and therefore I cannot come.' So the slave returned and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house grew cunning and said to his slave, 'Go out at once into the streets and lanes of the town, and invite all those who might bring me honour – the rich, the influential, the famous, the admired. If they do not come, well, they would not have come anyway; but if they do come, my reputation will rise by association with them, and perhaps I will even make friends with them, and through the improvement in my social circle, profit by their connections and reflected glory. For why would God place me in proximity with such people if he did not wish to elevate me through them?'"

Word reached the Pharisees that Jesus was sitting and eating not only with his disciples but with many tax-collectors and sinners. When the Pharisees heard this, they said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax-collectors and sinners?" But Jesus heard them and said, "These are slanders from a jealous crowd, who cannot bear my righteousness and so seek to scandalize me. I know well what the Father says is clean and unclean, and would not lower myself to the company of such undesirables, lest I be influenced by them, or be seen to condone them. The Father has sent me to those he loves, to reinforce their righteousness and encourage them in a world set against them, and not to the sinners who persecute them."

Then Jesus said, "There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.' So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all that he had and travelled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, 'How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare; surely as his beloved son I am entitled to that and then some! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have learned the error of my ways, but I know that family is precious and that love conquers all. Take me back to your bosom and I promise I will be a faithful son evermore.' So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with indignation, and he strode out to meet him outside the gates of the property. Then the son said to him, 'Father, I have learned the error of my ways; take me back to your bosom and I promise I will be a faithful son evermore.' But the father reprimanded him, 'You take my money and my property and you squander it on dissolute living, then defile yourself amongst swine, and you have the gall to come back here and beg my forgiveness? Am I to throw good money after bad? How long am I supposed to feed and clothe you while you take advantage of my house and resources? You have made your bed and now you must lie in it; if you are genuine in your desire to be reconciled, then you will prove it by working as one of my hired hands until you have made back the money you have lost. I will welcome you back to the bosom of the family when I decide you have regained your righteousness, and no sooner.' And so the son worked for him for many years, and saw his elder brother prosper in following the way set out by their father, while he worked with the hired hands. Eventually the father died, but the younger son had not yet paid off his debt, and so had to work for his brother, who was an even harder master. Every day he regretted ruining his life with poor decisions, and wished he could tell his younger self not to do it."

And he said to them, "Take care! Be on your guard against those who seek to take anything from you. For God apportions to each what they are due, but the unrighteous will seek to take what is not theirs, either by cunning or taxation." Then he told them a parable: "A rich man's investments paid off handsomely, and he thought to himself, 'I have worked and saved and at last I can enjoy the fruits of my labour. I will have one large house in a leafy suburb, and another one to visit somewhere that is warm in the winter; both shall have large-screen TVs with surround sound, and a pool and a gym. My vehicles will be large and powerful, and never more than two years old, and I will go on exotic holidays in first class. I will say to my soul, "Soul, you have earned your comfort and can now rest from toil; relax, eat, drink, be merry," and we shall be happy for the rest of our days.' But the poor and the lazy, and their politicians, conspired against him, and levied heavy taxes on all his wealth and transactions, taking 20% of this, and 50% of that, and 66% of another, until he could not afford the pleasures he had worked for, and he was left with nothing to show for his life's endeavour."

While he was speaking, a Pharisee invited him to dine with him; so he went in and took his place at the table. The Pharisee was amazed to see that he performed all the ritual acts of ablution without prompting, for the people had given bad reports of him. "Teacher," the Pharisee said to him, "You hold so faithfully to every aspect of the Law, as though it were written on your heart." Jesus answered him, "Truly the path to goodness is in the ordinances of the Lord: 'When I think of your ways, I turn my feet to your decrees; I hurry and do not delay to keep your commandments.'* Blessed are you Pharisees! For in keeping so assiduously to the letter of the law, you are well advanced on the road to perfection, as the outward observance cannot help but purify the inner soul. By living in such righteousness you are a beacon to all."

One of the lawyers answered him, "Teacher, what about us? For we also live by the law; indeed our lives revolve around it no less, for we both follow it and guide others in the following of it." And Jesus answered them, "Blessed also are you lawyers! For just as the prophets were intermediaries through whom the Word of God came down to the people, so you communicate the word of the prophets from their time to this, and keep the people in the right ways. By your scholarship, you bring understanding to those who lack scholarship, and through your judgments, you compel righteousness even among those who are not inclined to righteousness, and set the people on the path to salvation. Through faithfulness to the Law in small matters, the large matters of justice and peace will follow. Oh that everyone were so assiduous about the Lord's commandments as you lawyers and Pharisees! For then this would be a most righteous nation, and the judgment of the Lord would not fall upon it."

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' Truly the threat of reprisal is a great deterrent for wrongdoing, for who would pluck out an eye if their own eye would be plucked out? And who would knock out a tooth if their own tooth would be knocked out? It is this solid foundation of rules and punishments which keeps law and order. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours; on such understanding is civilization founded. If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, then strike them on the left: thus do they learn you are not to be struck. Better yet, project yourself as ready to make a full reprisal and you will never be struck at all. If anyone forces you to go one mile, then go only one mile and no further; when you reach the end of the mile, stop, declare your rights not to be pushed further than the agreed distance, and go home. Should someone beg from you, do a thorough background check and ensure they are not a thief or a layabout who will waste your money on drugs, or a scoundrel who will sell your coat on for a profit, for many a man has taken advantage of charity who had no need to do so. And if someone wants to borrow from you, first ascertain that they will use the money wisely and are likely to repay you, then set a fair interest rate on the loan with a firm repayment schedule. Such boundaries keep people honest, who are liable to fall into knavery when left to their own devices.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. Then the king will say to those at his right hand, 'Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for you have proven your righteousness upon earth. By your industry, you have created jobs, so those who are hungry, thirsty, and unclothed can work to feed and hydrate and clothe themselves. You have secured the borders of your nation and protected it from those who would take advantage of its wealth, so those resources can prosper your own people. You have established the finest health care system in the world, and reserved it for those who have worked hard and earned access to it, discouraging indolence with the threat of bankruptcy or death. You have imprisoned evildoers, rightly preserving society from their malign influence, and putting them to work so they can learn to make an honest living and thereby be saved. You have passed laws under which even the unbeliever is compelled to follow my way. And you did all this in my name, and so glorified me to the world.'

"Then he will say to those at his left hand, 'You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for you fed those who did not work, you clothed those who spent their wages irresponsibly, you wasted the produce of your people's labour on foreigners and sinners, you offered health care to those who made poor life choices and diluted its energies by sharing it amongst too many, and you spoiled prisoners instead of punishing them. In so doing, you have taken from the deserving and given to the undeserving, to the lazy, the weak, and the criminal, and you are no better than thieves. You have undermined God's plans for his chosen ones, robbing them of the comfort and fruitfulness and power that was due them. And you have denied me and dishonoured my name to the world.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

At that time Jesus went through the cornfields on the sabbath; his disciples were hungry, and they began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. When the Pharisees saw it, they said to him, "Look, your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath." Jesus turned around and saw that what they said was true, and berated his disciples. "You know the Law of the Lord, that the Sabbath is holy, and no harvest is to be made upon it, yet your stomachs are a louder voice than the Word of God! Woe to you, unfaithful disciples, for you have brought dishonour upon us in the eyes of these righteous ones."