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Addiction to Repetition
Jan. 18th, 2019 08:15 pmBack when I was working at Disney, with a lot of dads who had daughters in the Girl Scouts, I bought a drawer full of Girl Scout cookies and would have two or three every mid-afternoon. When I ran out, three o'clock would roll around and I would be seized with the most existential craving for a cookie – nothing could satisfy but something crisp and buttery. It lasted for months. I discovered a sudden sympathy for drug addicts, and never bought Girl Scout cookies again.
When I was visiting the Discovery this past September, after breakfast and orienting myself for the day I would usually get below-decks around 11 A.M. There was a recording which played on continuous loop in the crew's mess, which you could hear around most of that deck. For the next week, every day at 11 A.M. it would get stuck in my head. That's what I needed to hear at 11 A.M. and if I wasn't going to put it in my ears, my brain would supply it itself.
This Christmas I spent a few days at the San Diego Maritime Museum, filling in as much as possible of my mental map of the Terra Nova, spending a lot of time on the Star of India which, unlike the Discovery, is still afloat. The waters of San Diego Bay are quite sheltered, and there is never more than a slight bob, but it was enough that when I stepped off the ship, the balance part of my brain, used to compensating for the motion, wrong-footed itself and made me feel like I was still bobbing. Pleasant enough. But again for a week after I would get that bobbing feeling at the time I'd usually be arriving at the ship, even when I flew back to Europe and was suddenly compensating at dinnertime instead of mid-morning.
For the last week I've been watching The Terror, one episode a day, usually over dinner. I finished day before yesterday (it is very good; there will be posts). Both yesterday and today I've been getting on with things and feeling fine and then Terror Time rolls around and it's the Girl Scout cookies all over again. For now, ten minutes browsing Terror gifs on Tumblr seems to scratch the itch, but I can't deny it's a little ridiculous. Is this addiction? Is this just the power of habit? Does habit have an inordinate pull over me or is everyone like this? How does one harness it for good instead of mega distraction and cravings? I never seem to form such intense behavioural conditioning for yoga, or meditation, or going for a walk in the fresh air.
At least I can be abundantly careful never to touch any substance that is scientifically known to be addictive. All hope would be lost.
When I was visiting the Discovery this past September, after breakfast and orienting myself for the day I would usually get below-decks around 11 A.M. There was a recording which played on continuous loop in the crew's mess, which you could hear around most of that deck. For the next week, every day at 11 A.M. it would get stuck in my head. That's what I needed to hear at 11 A.M. and if I wasn't going to put it in my ears, my brain would supply it itself.
This Christmas I spent a few days at the San Diego Maritime Museum, filling in as much as possible of my mental map of the Terra Nova, spending a lot of time on the Star of India which, unlike the Discovery, is still afloat. The waters of San Diego Bay are quite sheltered, and there is never more than a slight bob, but it was enough that when I stepped off the ship, the balance part of my brain, used to compensating for the motion, wrong-footed itself and made me feel like I was still bobbing. Pleasant enough. But again for a week after I would get that bobbing feeling at the time I'd usually be arriving at the ship, even when I flew back to Europe and was suddenly compensating at dinnertime instead of mid-morning.
For the last week I've been watching The Terror, one episode a day, usually over dinner. I finished day before yesterday (it is very good; there will be posts). Both yesterday and today I've been getting on with things and feeling fine and then Terror Time rolls around and it's the Girl Scout cookies all over again. For now, ten minutes browsing Terror gifs on Tumblr seems to scratch the itch, but I can't deny it's a little ridiculous. Is this addiction? Is this just the power of habit? Does habit have an inordinate pull over me or is everyone like this? How does one harness it for good instead of mega distraction and cravings? I never seem to form such intense behavioural conditioning for yoga, or meditation, or going for a walk in the fresh air.
At least I can be abundantly careful never to touch any substance that is scientifically known to be addictive. All hope would be lost.
