Inktober Demons
Nov. 1st, 2016 01:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tealinInspired by Lucy Bellwood's erstwhile Inktober theme of drawing the negative thoughts and insecurities that plague her, I thought I'd get a few of mine down on paper and out of my head, for the time being at least. It's remarkable how flimsy they look when you give them concrete words and limit them to an ink silhouette on a piece of paper.
That last one being, of course, a reference to The Cat Who Walks By Himself, which has been something of a personal icon since discovering it – whether I like it or not, I do always end up walking by myself, one way or another, and while my opinions about doing so might evolve over time, the situation doesn't. While most of these demons have had their power sapped, if not removed, by being exposed to the light of day, I am wondering now if the only way to come to peace with that last one is to embrace it, and accept it, rather than pillory it. Attempts to fight it in the past have only led to more unhappiness, which is generally a sign (in my experience) that I'm trying to be someone I'm not. But then ... I'm not walking by myself, am I? I've got all these demons to keep me company! Who could ask for better than that?
I can't say this has freed me from all of them – I am, at the moment, in a happy place where they don't bother me too much, but that could change again – but it has been valuable and therapeutic to encapsulate what's usually a formless toxic miasma. And hearing from others who have to deal with the same things has removed the power inherent in the belief that these are problems only I have to deal with because they grow uniquely out of my unique failings. Strength in numbers! Only you don't know your numbers if you never mention what might unite you ...
That last one being, of course, a reference to The Cat Who Walks By Himself, which has been something of a personal icon since discovering it – whether I like it or not, I do always end up walking by myself, one way or another, and while my opinions about doing so might evolve over time, the situation doesn't. While most of these demons have had their power sapped, if not removed, by being exposed to the light of day, I am wondering now if the only way to come to peace with that last one is to embrace it, and accept it, rather than pillory it. Attempts to fight it in the past have only led to more unhappiness, which is generally a sign (in my experience) that I'm trying to be someone I'm not. But then ... I'm not walking by myself, am I? I've got all these demons to keep me company! Who could ask for better than that?
I can't say this has freed me from all of them – I am, at the moment, in a happy place where they don't bother me too much, but that could change again – but it has been valuable and therapeutic to encapsulate what's usually a formless toxic miasma. And hearing from others who have to deal with the same things has removed the power inherent in the belief that these are problems only I have to deal with because they grow uniquely out of my unique failings. Strength in numbers! Only you don't know your numbers if you never mention what might unite you ...
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Date: 2016-11-01 02:51 pm (UTC)(The "chores" one really struck a nerve with me.)
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Date: 2016-11-01 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-11-03 08:23 pm (UTC)Thank you for sharing your demons.
Oh, the feeling's mutual. :D I am glad to know that I am not alone with them (since many of those also mock me from the comfy couch they've been hogging in my brain)
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Date: 2016-11-06 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-11-06 09:33 pm (UTC)