A Two-Syllabled Blast of Clarity
Sep. 7th, 2010 08:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tealinWhen I first started listening to Radio 4, there was a show running called The Department. It was written by Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver (who went on to team up with the Stewart/Colbert folks) and was ridiculous, cartoonish, and remarkably sharp.
I usually try to avoid political matters on this blog, but an item in the news lately reminded me of one of the clips of especial brilliance which I'd recorded off The Department back in the day. While at this moment I'm aiming it at the blockheads planning to burn copies of the Koran, this is relevant to so many situations that disseminating it might make the world a better place ... or at least slightly more bearable, through the power of comedy.
I usually try to avoid political matters on this blog, but an item in the news lately reminded me of one of the clips of especial brilliance which I'd recorded off The Department back in the day. While at this moment I'm aiming it at the blockheads planning to burn copies of the Koran, this is relevant to so many situations that disseminating it might make the world a better place ... or at least slightly more bearable, through the power of comedy.
Look, there are two simple words that can solve terrorism and all its repercussive offshoots for good, and those words are: grow up. When you think about it, there's not a single social or political problem that those two little words couldn't instantly solve. All we need to do is install a wise old man to say them, in some robes, on a special plinth. And whenever anyone is considering doing anything of any importance, they should be forced to confront the codger, and receive his two-syllabled blast of clarity.
"Old man on a plinth! I am a politician, and I am seriously thinking about mortgaging the security of my nation and the future stability of the planet for short-term political gain!"
"GROW UP!" [applause]
"You're right, I've been acting like a thumbsucker!"
"Old man! I am a terrorist! I wish to impose my extremist take on the world on innocent third parties in the most violent manner available!"
"GROW UP!" [applause]
"Oh yeah! Fair call! Can I apologise to everyone concerned please?"
"Wise old man! I am a female tennis player! I'd like to be paid as much as the men!"
"GROW UP!" [applause]
"You're right! I don't play enough sets! I'm being completely unreasonable!"
"All of you, GROW UP!" [applause] "Don't applaud me, GROW UP!"
It's brilliant! Everything becomes so much clearer. If only we'd had this silver-haired panacea available before, we might have avoided some of the great mistakes that have made the world so dangerous today.
