Crisis of Conscience

[tealin]

This makes me really, really doubt my place in life. The show I'm working on is produced and distributed by the same company that does [GAG] Bratz.

The Bratz are now Baby Mommaz. Yes, the hooker-in-training dolls have children. Bratz are the main reason I do not keep a supply of bricks around the house, because every time the commercials come on I wish to pitch something kiln-fired through the screen so hard it beans the toy exec who greenlighted these hootchie toys. The Baby Bratz are as bad as you can imagine: “Bottles with Bling.” Judas on a stick, why not just refit the Bratz so they have Real Oozing Gonorreal Flow Action?

“They know how to flaunt it, and they’re keeping it real in the crib.”

What exactly is the penalty for failing to keep it real in the crib? Someone busts a cap in yo Pamper? I know I am old and so out of step it’s a wonder I don’t just appear as an indistinct smear, but was it really necessary to push the Age of Sultry Hussyism down to the infant stage? And who, exactly, are the Babyz flaunting it for? Are we going to see a commercial with Elmo in sunglasses, sitting with his legs sprawled, spanking some pliant Babyz with one hand while gumming down some mashed crack?

(You can find the rest of the article here – this James Lileks fellow is brilliant.)

Two months to go ... two months to go ...

Comments

[fordanglia.livejournal.com]

*twitches uncontrollably*

[sreya.livejournal.com]

Oh, great. Those things are just horrible. Talk about one of the worst perversions of childhood.

I had a similar crisis of conscience last week - the request on my Giving Tree tag (where you get a gift for a child who may otherwise not get any) was for a "Groovy Girls doll". Having no idea what that was, I went looking online so I could find a store carrying them, since my stop at Kmart proved unsuccessful.

Sadly, a Groovy Girl is more or less a stuffed Bratz lite. But what I was supposed to do? The child had asked for this, and I had no idea what she might want otherwise. I finally gave in and got it. I think in the future I'll be a bit more careful about which Giving Tree ornaments I grab, though!

[smokingguncafe.livejournal.com]

I looked at them online and they are infinitely better than Bratz no matter how you look at it. They aren't molded pieces of plastic that require you to remove their feet in order to match their shoes to their outfits, they don't wear five pounds of lipstick and eyeshadow, and they actually appear to have noses. They are stuffed and have yarn hair and cute little outfits, and don't really seem to bare any flesh. They're kind of a halfway point between American Girl dolls and Barbies, I think.

The sheer sultriness of Bratz and all of its offshoots (those stupid animals with the "come-hither eyes"--are they meant for Furries?, and these slutty babies with the thong diapers!) is what disturbs a lot of people. MGA Entertainment is based out of Mexico, I've heard, and are currently in a huge snit with Mattel or stolen copyright material.

[eveforward.livejournal.com]

I hate those Bratz things... even the name makes me twitch.

[trashcanbaby.livejournal.com]

Hahahahhahaha. Oh man. At least Bratz has the guts to take on the Barbie monoply. I give them that and nothing more.

[infiniteviking]

EWWWWWWWWW.

I'd ask what the world is coming to, but this has already been there and gone way past anything resembling sanity.

[eveforward.livejournal.com]

In all fairness, it does look more like the "baby Bratz" are in fact the same 'characters' as the adult Bratz, just, you know, as babies, and not that the adult Bratz are now Baby Mommaz and these are their babies. Though I suppose those will come soon enough.

[anathelen.livejournal.com]

"not that the adult Bratz are now Baby Mommaz and these are their babies"

I was immensely relieved to find out that they are only younger versions of the teenage characters - some small mercy. In due time, though - no doubt.

[disneyboy.livejournal.com]

I thought those were YOUR words until I saw the cue to read "the rest of the article" - ha! The bit about Gonnorea seemed a little extreme for you, but everything else seemed in line with your biting wit and hatred of these...abominations! Bleagh! The bit about the "pound dogs" or whatever was pretty awful too - these are KIDS' TOYS?? As an uncle, it's up to me to raise the bar for kid's toys - singlehandedly if I have to!
At least you won't be on that show forever. :)

[salamandersoup.livejournal.com]

This past Halloween when I was taking my youngest brother out, we passed this group of girls who couldn't have been over nine years old, prancing around in as little clothing as the weather would allow, each screaming "I'm a hooker, I'm a hooker!" ._. Just ... thought I'd share ...

[angieweasley.livejournal.com]

And who, exactly, are the Babyz flaunting it for? Are we going to see a commercial with Elmo in sunglasses, sitting with his legs sprawled, spanking some pliant Babyz with one hand while gumming down some mashed crack?

*dies*

[bananabasket.livejournal.com]

I agree.



*dies*

[mincot.livejournal.com]

The Brats (I refuse to append the "z") are bad enough, but the DOGS are appalling. We won't even get into the grammar and sentence structure of the descriptions, the CONCEPT is horrible.

[ardys-the-ghoul.livejournal.com]

Kitty may be disgusted, but Ardys is way past disgusted. I'm just glad I got too old for dolls before these things came on the market. I mean, Barbie was bad enough.

[fleur-de-liz.livejournal.com]

Ugh, Bratz. If God is merciful, they will no longer exist when I'm bringing up kids.

I think I'm also seriously offended by those Homie Dog things, as an owner of a pound-rescued dog myself. Dogs in the pound aren't cool and street tough, they're really quite sad. We couldn't wait to get Angus out of that miserable place and felt horrible that there were other dogs we couldn't take home.

[ardys-the-ghoul.livejournal.com]

Dogs in the pound aren't cool and street tough, they're really quite sad.

As a lover of dogs, and frequent watcher of Animal Planet, I totally agree.

Somewhere, those people from "Animal Cops" are weeping.

[(Anonymous)]

i lolled.

Who on earth decided to create those prostitots anyways?

[twirlynoodle.livejournal.com]

Someone with a severe lack of moral stamina and keen eye on marketing.

(Excellent wordsmithery, by the way...)

[miss-ida.livejournal.com]

Bratz scares me off
they are evil :)

[azvolrien.livejournal.com]

Two words: OH DEAR.

Also, whoever came up with that 'Homie Dogs' thing... somebody lock them up before they spread any other dangerous ideas. Antisocial dogs that bite everyone =/= coolness. Antisocial dogs that bite everyone = one-way trip to the vet's surgery. Or just a bullet.

Homie Dogs

[(Anonymous)]

The Homie Dog things appear to almost be a (badly done) parody of All Dogs go to Heaven. What, is it "all dogs go to hell" or something now? And people wonder why kids now are so bad...

[twirlynoodle.livejournal.com]

People in the middle ages thought kids were bad. They're just bad in different ways.